Change telling to showing: a complete guide
Photo by Usman Yousaf on UnsplashThe editor got back with my memoir. This is the first time a professional editor has looked at my book: the one that has taken over a year of writing, the one that I have rewritten SO many times, the one that shares some of my most private and poignant moments. It was nerve wracking! And the main piece of advice she gave is probably the most common pieces of writing advice: show don’t tell. In her words, I needed to breathe life into certain parts of the book and recommended reading The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing by Writer's Digest Books.
I documented the process as I went through the manuscript. Here is a complete guide to changing your story from telling to showing.
1. Recognize and Mark
What is telling?
I did what anyone would do. I hit up Google with a show vs tell query and this is what I found.
Telling: narrative, exposition, info dump, summary, blunt description, informational, a recounting of events
Showing: immersive, action, dialogue, interior monologue (perception), body language, setting, senses, a creating of an experience, scene
There are plenty of examples on other blogs. One of my favorite descriptions was from Jerry Jenkins. “When you tell rather than show, you inform your reader of information rather than allowing him to deduce anything.” Show Don't Tell: The Simple Guide for Writers
Mark it
If you can visually see where the telling is, it is a lot easier to change. I wrote those definitions of showing and telling on two little cards and placed them next to a printed copy of the manuscript. Then I went through highlighting the entire thing in green and red. Red marked anywhere I thought was telling. Sometimes it is difficult to decide if there is enough detail in a sentence to be counted as showing. There isn’t a specific number of details a sentence needs to be considered showing. Go with your instincts.
Thought verbs
Another way to see telling is to find thought verbs, as coined by Chuck Palahniuk in 2013. After reading this, I circled think, know, review, love, hate, believe, desire, imagine and others with a thin purple sharpie. Every writer should read his article: Nuts and Bolts: “Thought” Verbs
2. Do you need it?
Time to tell
Sometimes telling is necessary. If you showed all the time, we would be reading about the minty taste of the character’s toothpaste as he gets ready for bed each night. Now, if that toothpaste has a purpose to the plot (maybe the thief stole the toothpaste along with the diamond ring and it’s the only way he can be apprehended), then by all means describe the gritty, fresh taste of Colegate’s Optic White. You can’t show all the time.
When is it good to tell?
Getting past boring events
Transitioning between events
Glossing over boring conversations (How are you? I’m good.)
Introducing characters
I enjoyed reading Amber Royer’s example about students who would add random events to a story about a long journey, just so they could have something to say. These events had nothing to do with the plot or character building and could have been skipped over with a short They walked for three days to the next town over. The scenes must be purposeful and woven together with showing and a small amount of telling.
“Even if the scenes are beautifully written and exciting in their own right, they still distract from the real plot — if it isn’t important foreshadowing to the events you are building.” Amber Royer Internal Monologue: When is Telling Showing – Amber Royer
Time to not tell at all
As I read through my red highlighted text, I noticed much of the telling could be deleted without repercussions. If the reader can find out the information through context clues, it is unnecessary. Readers don’t want fluff. And when it comes to description, “a meal is as good as a feast”. On Writing by Stephen King
3. Change it to showing
Turn telling into showing
As I went through the red highlighted text again, I asked myself the following questions:
Does the reader need the info conveyed? If it helps to build plot or character, then you probably need it.
Can you convey it through action? This is the best way to immerse the reader. Many things can be conveyed through how a person responds to an event: personality, past traumas, annoying habits.
Can you convey it through senses? Pretend your scene is a 4D movie with the moving seats and the fan. Explore all the senses. Add color.
Can you add more concrete details? Use proper nouns that convey preferences, time, age, or economic status. There is a big difference between eating a dinner of filet mignon and bologna on white bread splattered with mayo.
Can you use a stronger verb? Chuck Palahniuk in his article about thought verbs suggest also removing the common verbs is and was. Instead, try to convey the same thing in an action. Her green eyes glanced at him instead of Her eyes were green.
Can you show it through dialogue? Sometimes dialogue is the best way to show who a character is. Use their jargon or accent. Make sure it moves the story. Do not overuse.
Don’t just throw it into dialogue
One easy way to change telling to showing is by adding dialogue. But dialogue is not always showing. Once I went to a writing group at college and listened to aspiring authors read their work. I remember one scene in particular where an elderly person stood with a younger one on a balcony and explained in great detail the magic system of that world. I don’t remember any of the details of that system because I zoned out.
Is it that much better to write “She was tall,” he told his mom instead of She was tall?
Magic systems (or any large world building) can be complicated and it may seem that a large info dump at the beginning of the book is necessary, but there are other ways. Show the reactions of the character using the magic. Show how the magic drains his energy, or removes his memories, or requires him to stand on one foot. Think of Vin in Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn. Vin (and the reader) learns the magic through a little dialogue and a lot of action. She didn’t learn it all up front. The reader can learn along with the characters.
Example from my memoir
Here is a sneak peek into the book I am writing, The North Star:
Before:
I lived at Nannaw’s house for a couple of weeks. She was the only great-grandmother I really knew. Going from our crowded two bedroom trailer to her small house shocked me. Nannaw’s whispered drawl was so much quieter than my four younger siblings. A seventy-year-old might seem an unlikely companion for a ten-year-old, but I loved it. I crafted, learned to cook, went to antique stores, and played in the barn with a cousin next door.
After:
Moving into Nannaw’s old bungalow from our crowded two bedroom trailer shocked me. Her whispered drawl was so much quieter than my four younger siblings. A seventy-year-old great grandmother might seem an unlikely companion for a ten-year-old, but somehow it worked. We cooked eggs for breakfast, stamped paper cards and scrapbook pages with ink, drove to antique stores in her old Lincoln that had wood paneling inside, and fed a horse named Tina in the backyard.
The best kind of writing
Hearing my work needed some more life was a little hard to take, but I am glad for the critique. This memoir will never become the best it could without feedback from others, especially in something as critical as showing vs telling. The best kind of writing comes from input from a multitude of others. I can already tell this process has brought the manuscript up a level. If you are writing a narrative piece of work, take the time to go through this exercise. And who knows, maybe your words will inspire someone along the way.
What are your tips and tricks for showing instead of telling?
Examples
These are some phenomenal examples of showing. Do you see what makes them work? Do you have any other examples?
“She arrived from Philly the day before I went in for surgery, letting Edward carry her tiny black suitcase on wheels up the stairs, where she would unpack all her must-haves: a silk pillowcase that keeps her hairdo looking nice, her mauve bathrobe with giant pearly buttons, a small jelly jar of Smirnoff because she doesn’t like the expensive vodka we buy, and several strange secondhand presents — a bedazzled purse, one of my old Nancy Drews, a down best with a broken zipper — for the girls.”
Glitter and Glue: A Memoir by Kelly Corrigan
“She smelled funny.
Even though the scent was faint, she still caught whiffs of herself occasionally. It was the smell of a passing noblewoman, the scent of a perfumed drawer opened by her brother’s burgling fingers. The smell grew less noticeable as the morning progressed, but it still worried her. It would distinguish her from other skaa. If this crew expected her to take those baths regularly, she would have to request that the perfumes be removed.”
Mistborn: The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson“Vin scanned the room. There was a window, though its shutters were closed against approaching gloom. The only chairs were the ones in Kelsier’s half circle. Resigned, she moved forward and took the empty chair beside Dockson. It was too big for her, and she settled into it with her knees beneath her.” Mistborn: The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson
“Nobody spoke for a minute; then Meg said in an altered tone, “You know the reason Mother proposed not having any presents this Christmas was because it is going to be a hard winter for everyone, and she thinks we ought not to spend money for pleasure, when our men are suffering so in the army. We can’t do much, but we can make our little sacrifices, and ought to do it gladly. But I am afraid I don’t,” and Meg shook her head, as she thought regretfully of all the pretty things she wanted.
“But I don’t think the little we should spend would do any good. We’ve each got a dollar, and the army wouldn't be much helped by our giving that. I agree not to expect anything from mother or you, but I do want to by Undine and Sintram for myself. I’ve wanted it so long.” said Jo, who was a bookworm.
“I planned to spend mine in new music.” said Beth, with a little sigh, which no one heard but the hearth-brush and kettle-holder.
“I shall get a nice box of Faber’s drawing pencils; I really need them.” said Amy decidedly.
“Mother didn’t say anything about our money, and she won’t wish us to give up everything. Let’s each buy what we want, and have a little fun; I’m sure we grub hard enough to earn it.” cried Jo, examining the heels of her boots in a gentlemanly manner.”
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
